i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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