just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
