I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
