I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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