Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
