Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
