So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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