like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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