I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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