Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
