I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
