I just pynch a tree in the face
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
