also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
