at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
