i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
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Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
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If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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