I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
