She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
