Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Randomize
