Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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