can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
