I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
