Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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