The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
