My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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