Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
