I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
