Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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