Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
