i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
