I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
