I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
