At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
