I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
