After last night, I could never be a politician.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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