i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
