The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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