herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
