her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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