I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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