that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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