I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Text me some of your sweat
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