What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
