I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
