This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
