What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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