Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
