oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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