yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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