If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
