Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
