Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
