Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
