I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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