so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
