why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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