I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
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Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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