my room smells like sperm. sweet.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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