fuck your aforementioned shoe
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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