Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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