Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize